Three Ways We Can Decenter Neuronormativity Within Our New Year Resolutions

While new year resolutions have never been for me, I understand other people enjoy or benefit from making resolutions for the new year. Perhaps they enjoy the novelty of it, perhaps they like to have an overarching goal for the year, perhaps the new year inspires or motivates them.

Whatever the reason, many people make new year resolutions and if we do, we need to make sure we don’t reinforce neuronormative expectations or standards onto ourselves.

There is no one right timeline that we have to follow.

I’ve made “finally get my driver’s licence” my new year resolution many times and I’m now 31 without a driver’s licence. I’m not embarrassed (anymore) because I’ve gotten to the point where I recognise there is no single right timelime.

I've accepted that my disabilities and neurodivergence make driving so much more challenging for me and I do not need a driver's licence to "be an adult". I might get my licence eventually but I haven’t put a deadline on it because it’ll happen (or not happen) according to my own timeline, whenever that may be.

I feel like we can apply this to a lot of resolutions.

If your resolution is to go to the gym every day, are you forcing yourself into a timeline that isn’t sustainable and forgiving of inconsistency? If your resolution is to write a book, are you considering that writing can be and is allowed to be inconsistent? If your resolution is to post regularly on social media, are you reminding yourself that your regular may look different to someone else’s regular?

Be flexible with your deadlines.

Be flexible with your timelines.

Remember that eating looks different for everyone.

I can’t begin to express the number of times I’ve seen “eat healthier” as a new year resolution. I don’t believe it’s a bad thing to want to eat to nourish your body and mind but because of diet culture and weight stigma, our understanding of what eating healthily looks like is rooted in harmful myths, bias, thinness as an ideal and of course, neuronormativity.

For neurodivergent people, our relationship with food including eating and cooking looks different because it’s impacted by our sensory differences, executive functioning differences, interoceptive differences, masking, burnout and more.

This means how Western society defines healthy eating may not apply to us so we need to make sure we don’t reinforce a narrow understanding of “eating healthily” onto our goals.

I'll be the first to admit that what and how I eat certainly doesn't fit into Western society's idea of healthy eating but it's healthy for me.

I use food as a source of sensory input and stimulation which means I snack a lot - it’s healthy for me because I’m meeting my needs. I also eat the same food over and over again to accommodate my sensory differences even though for other people, that wouldn’t be their definition of healthy. I rely on takeaway and quick meals you can put in the oven or microwave because otherwise I won't eat at all.

It's healthy for me.

If you’re going to make resolutions when it comes to food, make sure you define “eating healthily” by what meets your needs and benefits you.

Explore what success means and looks like for you.

Success is defined as meeting a defined set of expectations or the achievement of a purpose. Unfortunately, we often define success by neuronormative expectations and purposes. We often define success by getting a full time job, climbing the career ladder, getting a PhD or buying a home. And for many people including neurodivergent and disabled people, these can be unattainable for some, unsustainable for many.

And for many of us, it simply isn’t our definition of success.

I used to think my definition of success was getting my driver’s licence and a PhD, becoming an expert on a topic where everyone knew who I was, securing a full time job and getting married before I retire with thousands of dollars in the bank. While I wouldn’t mind a few of them happening, I wouldn’t say I’m unsuccessful if I don’t achieve it.

I define success differently because many of those things are either unsustainable for me or they don’t align in what I find valuable or meaningful. And that’s the point - success is determined by achieving a purpose but only an individual can determine the purpose; only an individual can determine what is meaningful to them.

We do not need to have the same definition of success as someone else.

If you’re someone who makes new year resolutions, remember to consider your own needs, differences, values and capacity. Do not let other people you see on social media tell you what your goals should be, do not let society tell you productivity is the most important sign of success, do not let the world force a rigid timeline onto your life.

Wanna learn more about neuronormativity? Tickets for my in-person seminar on decentering neuronormativity are available but selling quick!

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